


Mello and Near Against The World

by IwishIwasTylerJoseph



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-26
Updated: 2017-11-21
Packaged: 2018-12-07 05:42:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11617116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IwishIwasTylerJoseph/pseuds/IwishIwasTylerJoseph
Summary: Mello's in the race to catch Kira before L, but he'll need help. Help that comes in the name of Near.





	1. Chapter 1

“What is Mello doing?”

The albino boy observes Mello drop a duffle bag over his bed and open his drawers. He doesn’t look up from what he was doing, pretending he hadn’t heard the question, but Near doesn’t expect him to answer.

In reality, Near knew Mello was planning to leave for a while.

The news about a “godsent” creature passing judgments over criminals and evildoers was loud all around the world, but it could not have been louder anywhere else than at Wammy’s Orphanage for Gifted Children. More specifically next to Near’s room, where a blue eyed, blond haired, angry fifteen-year-old would get into daily heated arguments over what L needed to do to defeat the so called “Kira” of Japan. In his own, expert opinion, himself.

At first, the discussions with Roger were held behind closed doors, after significant progress and the reaching of milestones in L’s case - or more commonly, after his defeats. The wood was thick but Near could press his ear against the cool barrier and hear a few, angry outbursts from his fellow orphan, begging Roger to allow Mello to go help L. Then, the requests became demands, the took the form of protest and the shouting stopped seeming like an immature whine and more like a threat.

Just the sight of Roger and Mello in the same room warned the young geniuses that there would be screaming and, more recently, throwing of furniture.

The Wammy orphans had endured this for years.

Near had made it part of his routine.

He lay in bed in his white pyjamas, waiting.

The door of the room next to his would open, as it was time for Roger’s traditional and slow paced, round across the orphanage to make sure all were in their proper beds, at the proper time.

Near turned, cradling a red robot in his arms.

At any moment, Roger would turn off the lights in Mello’s bedroom and- _Click_.

Their screaming would go way past twelve.

Until it didn’t.

The mansion, hidden from the public eye on an isolated part of the English countryside could breathe again.

Near couldn’t.

Mello hadn’t wasted a second. In the early hours of December 13th, he was already gone, leaving a vacant room in the Orphanage he had spent four fifths of his life in and an even larger slot in Near’s chest.

“Get up.” Mello grunted and Near took his eyes off of the clock’s hands to pay attention to the older boy again.

It was past their curfew, but Mello wasn’t supposed to be there anymore.

“I think I’ll stay seated.” Near said, low. He didn’t want to risk waking up Roger and Mello getting caught on the premises.

“I didn’t ask you what you think, twat, get the fuck up.” Mello didn’t seem as concerned about keeping his voice down. Upon seeing Near’s black eyes just staring back at him, while no muscle in the the younger boy’s form even twitched to get a move, he threw one of the white pyjamas he was storing in the bag at the genius.

Soft. Near didn’t dodge the blow, preferring to stay seated in the same position that he had been as gravity pulls the top down and onto his lap, pathetically. He wants the moment to last. This the nicest Mello has been to him since they met, when he was five and the older boy was seven.

The packing, that is.

He watched the blonde quickly fold his white tops and pants into the bag and admired Mello’s concern for folds even though he seemed in a hurry. And angry.

“Near, if I ask you again, you’re getting out of here through the window.”

“Mello hasn’t answered.” Near curled a white strand of hair on his finger and crooked his head to the side, softly, before Mello whacked his hand away. It stung a bit, but he didn’t mind and held any protest at the back of his throat, to avoid further confrontation. He stretched his hands away from his body, in a mockful gesture of surrender and looked into the bright orbs as his weight shifted on the bed and he readied his body to get up.

Near’s legs hurt more than the other kids’. He needed to compensate his vitamin deficiency with pills, daily, but it still wasn’t enough to make his bones act like normal bones and keep him up for more than a few minutes without hurting and making him wobble and topple over.

His bare feet felt the cold marble floor under them, stinging more than where Mello had hit on his hand and he kept his eyes locked to the older boy’s, patiently. Mello disregarded the gesture, breaking the gaze to zip up the duffle bag on the bed.

 _Zip_.

Mello frowns, looking slightly nerved by Near’s eyes on him. He puts the bag’s straps around his shoulders and finally takes a deep breath before taking the boy’s hand.

It isn’t anything like Near expects it to be, but his face doesn’t give away his disappointment. Instead of the warmth and smoothness he had forseen from this gesture, the older boy’s hands are cold against his and his black painted nails seem to dig too much into his skin.

“Let’s get out of here.”

There are no lights on outside.

Near knows how to navigate through places in the dark- that’s the only time he can go outside and not pass out by the following minute. He lets Mello guide him to the main gates and only releases a small surprised sound when the older genius keeps him from walking towards it.

“Cameras.”

“They’ll know it was Mello.”

“They won’t know where.” He whispered back and made a sudden turn into the bushes.

Near’s legs ached and he wanted to sit down, when they finally reached the tall walls that protected the Wammy geniuses from the world.

All the Wammy orphans lie about stories from where _the others_ lived, it became a way to practice analyzing statements. One kid would make elaborate tales while the others searched for contradictions in their stories. Of course, everyone knew all descriptions were lies because you could only leave Wammy’s once, and you’d never get to come back- In theory.

Mello was back, after all.

Even if the walls weren’t hard to jump over, the kids just wouldn’t attempt an escape.

They just didn’t have the need for it.

They had had contact with the “important people” outside the orphanage and Near had classified them as boring in the first two minutes. Too predictable.

Too desperate.

The world was full of wealthy people, and they would be willing to cash in loads of cash to listen to anti-social teens if it meant getting even richer. That’s how the orphans helped Wammy support the luxurious lifestyle they lived in, with professors from the highest ranked universities in the world, flown, in secret, to the orphanage, to teach and learn from the younger geniuses. There was a thrill in being as special as they were, the attention they received kept anyone from even considering leaving. Besides, no one wanted to pass the chance to become L’s heir. That goal was what drove them to seclude themselves in libraries and classrooms all day, every day of their lives.

The outerworld would not understand them, so they might as well stay, Watari had said in one of his transmissions.  
“I need you to climb.” Mello frowned at Near, sitting atop the wall and staring down at the boy. He threw the bag over his shoulders and next to a red motorcycle and sighed when Near just remained standing, staring at him. “Give me your goddamned hand, twit.”

Darkness.

But the air feels fresher than Near remembered.

Maybe there was a larger difference than he first thought, between the confined world that Wammy’s gates kept them in and the world Mello lived in now. Or maybe it was the motorcycle speeding through the tracks, keeping cold wind fighting a victorious battle against his face, making his eyes remain closed as his arms held Mello’s waist tighter.

For eleven years Near had known Mello and for four he had known he felt different around the older boy. Ever since the day that guest teacher had asked the students to talk about their dream pet and Mello had oh so eagerly raised his hand to talk about  iguanas, and how he hoped to see one in their cold, English backyard, before being told that wouldn’t ever be possible, and becoming very angry for openly voicing his ignorance.

Even then, when Near actually felt his insides turn and the blonde’s reaction make him giggle softly, he never phantomed the thought of holding Mello this way and feeling so numb.

His time had been up since the day Mello left.

The blonde wasn’t here for Near’s affection.

He was here because Near was never mistaken about where he could find his dream animal, or, most importantly, because Near was the one who took absolutely all of Mello’s chances of ever enjoying being gifted. For being better than him.

He had tied a scarf over Near’s eyes, keeping him from seeing the direction in which they travelled. It smelt like chocolate and the smaller boy knew it was one of the gifts Mello had received from L, a few years ago. That was the first time he was truly caught off guard, that night. Mello idolized L. He never wore the scarf except in special occasions and, in the remainder of the time, it would be kept in a a hanger all to itself, in the older boy’s wardrobe. Why was Mello even allowing him to touch it?

He felt the motorcycle slow down and took in a deep breath of air, bracing himself for the next time the wind would smack him in the face, until he noticed Mello had actually parked. He carefully let go of the boy’s waist and put his hands over the scarf, sighing slightly.

“Throw it out.” Mello replied with a shrug as he put the duffle bag over his shoulder, once more, and made it up the three steps towards the little house they had parked in front.

Near’s fingers brushed against the embroidered “M” in Old English Text, just like L’s logo and felt his eyebrows twitch as his blonde counterpart vanished inside the house. He kept the scarf in his hand, waiting patiently for the blonde to scream something inside the house and furiously walk back to the door again.

“Do I need to freaking drag you everywhere?”

“Is that Mello’s house?”

“Fucking come in, Near.”

“What if I don’t?”

“You’ll freeze.”

“Would Mello let me?”

“Oh… You want to die?” Mello warned taking a full step out of the door to squint at the smaller boy.

“Well, Mello kidnapped me, he wouldn’t just leave me outside after the trouble.”

“Don’t try your luck, sheep boy.” the blonde smiled. “I only care about your existence while you’re first place and you know what they say…”

“What do they say?” Near wiped his sleeves clean of any snow that had accumulated on his pyjama.

“You can’t be nothing when you’re dead.” Mello crooked his head to the side. “Don’t go assuming what I’m willing to put up from you, because it ain’t much and it ain’t for long.”

“So Mello will kill me?”

“I want you to stop talking to me like I’m not here.” Mello dictated after Near had asked him to light up the tiny fireplace at the corner of the small living room he had walked in. Due to standing outside in the cold for so long, the smaller boy couldn’t feel his feet.

Near waited for the blonde to say or do something upon his request, but Mello had simply dumped the duffle bag on the only couch in the room and walked up a narrow staircase, to the second floor. Near finally gave into the pain in his legs and feet and slumped down on the couch.

Fire.

At an least ancient one. It left marks everywhere his eyes could scan, like fingerprints in a crime scene.

“Whose house is this?” Near muttered when he started to feel his bare feet again and Mello’s footsteps on the staircase echoed through the house, once more. There was no response, but he heard the other genius stop his rhythmic descent by the stairs.

Maybe Near knew already, but he wanted to hear it from Mello.

The decaying state of the house screamed it.

It truly belonged to Mello, in its core.

It was chaos with walls and a rooftop, but it still stood up -and seemed to be doing so for a while. The part of the wallpaper that remained from whatever that had happened was peeling and left hanging, revealing the rotten wood under its erased print. Near lifted a piece of it, carefully, and felt the dust and ash accumulate on his thumb. He knew other people wouldn’t be able to tell what colour it had once been, but he could pinpoint it exactly, because he had seen the same desaturated green print, once.

While he wondered through Mello’s room at Wammys.

Their home.

A sudden fear gripped him. What were they doing?

What was _he_ doing?

He had been kidnapped and in a world he didn’t not comprehend. He didn’t know anyone, he didn’t even know how to refer to the orphanage or ask for help. Did he _want_  help?

Mello hates his guts.

“You’re sleeping with me” Mello tells him after placing Near on his feet, at the top of the staircase. A little more delicately than when he had helped Near up on the motorcycle, earlier.

Near’s eyes scan the small room around them. Old furniture had been clearly moved, obvious by the stains on the dirty carpet under their feet and the whole place smelled old and burnt. His toes curl under his feet. He didn’t like shoes or socks, but he could definitely not walk around that mess with his bare feet.

“I know it sucks, you don’t need to think that.”

“Think what?”

“That it sucks.” the boy retorts and squints his eyes at Near, accusingly.

“I’m not thinking that.” Near spoke softly and crooked his head to the side, unamused with the double bed in the middle of the room. It was a spacious room, lack of furniture considered, he was lucky he’d have a bed to sleep in the first place. “Me-”

“Can you believe that when the whole house caught fire, that was the only place that didn’t burn?” Mello interrupted pointed at a stain close to the window and Near nodded because he knew exactly what the older boy was thinking and wanted him to say. He shrugged, cooley, remembering that dear rosary that Mello carried around his neck.

“Do you think God saved you?” he took a few steps towards the area and made out the outline of where had once been a crib, on the floor.

“I think the Devil took me.”

The Devil?

Near blinks, slowly. He avoids shifting his weight and feeling the springs under his body bounce again. The words Mello had used kept echoing in his mind and it was hard to wait, expecting the next time the blonde would decide to talk to him again. Mello just stood around the room, avoiding eye contact and revealing surprising amounts of documents from the few drawers in the bedroom. They both know what they are about and what they mean and there is a silent agreement between the geniuses when Mello places the papers on the bed, in front of Near.

Still, he wishes the blonde would say something.

Anything.

Because he never heard Mello so quiet before and his bed never felt so uncomfortable and the floor was never this dirty. He wanted to hear a familiar sound and feel at home. He wanted to take his vitamins or be thrown into the Sun already, because holding Mello’s hands, hugging the boy and sitting on his bed is nothing like he has dreamed about and Near just feels so betrayed and lost that for the first time in a long while he can feel his heart ache just a little.

There is a slight bend on the folder that Mello gave him and everytime Near’s eyes read over the paragraph it sticks out like a sore thumb. The smaller boy can’t focus, his hands stretch out, yearning for something plastic or interesting enough to feel while reading the paragraph but Mello neglected to bring any of his toys to the house. “The devil.” Near whispers and lifts his chin up when the older boy finally stops pacing around and stands still, in front of him.

“What did you call me?” he barks.

“I’m thinking.”

“I didn’t bring you here to think.” Mello frowned, dropping more files in front of Near, on the bed. “You’re here to spot where I missed.”

“That’s still thinking.”

“Don’t be a fucking smartass I will rip your head off.” Mello warned taking a step in Near’s direction, so quickly, and so threatening that the younger boy almost winced. However, they both stopped halfway through their actions and avoided eye contact, reverting their attention to other matters.

“Mello?” Near mused the word on his tongue before his lips let it go, and the air carried it to the older boy’s ears. He pointed at the photos that taller boy had given him and twirled white hair around his finger. “How did you get all this information?”

“Matt.”

“Where’s Matt?”

Silence.

Near fixed his posture and took in a deep breath.

“I thought Roger told you not to interfere with the Kira case until they need backup”

“Roger screams a lot.” blue eyes fire up and he pulls a chair to sit next to Near, his chest against the back of the furniture so that he can lean against it and the golden bangs will cover half his eyes in the way that takes Near’s breath away way too quickly. “This has been going on for too long and I’m not going to wait any longer.”

And Near understood where Mello was coming from.

Mello was the one that took the rankings the most seriously. He wanted to be L’s heir more than fire craves oxygen. He had been dedicated to that cause for longer than anyone else - after L personally started questioning his opinion in certain cases and life dilemmas.

Near didn’t have that relationship with L.

He didn’t even like L.

L reminded him of a frog.

A sticky one at that.

Whenever he was around Mello wouldn’t even took twice at the albino. L would have all the other orphans’ attention, leaving them to try and convince him to pick them over what their grades and achievements indicated. And all the graves and achievements indicated Near, because that’s what he was.

Number one.

And a top grade and achievement to Wammy.

Mello hated him for it and he couldn’t care less about the position. Then again, he knew that L would never choose him. He looked at him weird. Must not like him either, but Near needed his vitamins and Roger and the orphanage needed him.

“Mel- You’re eighteen.” he agrees in a low voice. “Roger can’t tell you what to do anymore.” and Near says it in an almost soothing tone, something he didn’t know he was able to do. He was trying to comfort Mello and it felt right. It came right from his heart and not from something he had read- except, Mello’s reaction was to light up his bright eyes once more, and snap at him again.

“Shut up and get to work.”

“I’m sorry. I can’t.”

“And why’s that, you wanker?”

“You left all my toys at Wammy’s.”

“I brought all your creepy pyjamas!” Mello’s eye twitched as he spoke, incredulously. Near remained perfectly still, twirling the same strand of hair around his index finger. He knew how to deal with Mello’s outburst.

Freeze.

_Shuichi Aizawa._

Alive.

_Hideki Ide._

Alive.

_Koreyoshi Kitamura._

Alive.

_Touta Matsuda._

Alive.

_Kanichi Takimura._

Deceased.

_Soichiro Yagami_

Alive.

_Hirokazu Ukita._

Deceased.

_Yukito Shiraba._

Deceased.

_Kanzo Mogi._

Alive.

Something’s missing.

Something is…

“Not here.”

“So you agree.” Mello bites down a chunk of the dark chocolate he had in one hand and leans over the albino to look at the Japanese Police files, over Near’s shoulder.

“Agree?”

“Kira is in the Police.”

“L’s suspect is.” Near indicates the amount of public statements regarding Kira that L has made since the start of the case and how the number decreases until there is suspicion of a second Kira. “He’s looking for a suspect inside the department.”

“So why not one of those?”

“Because they’re not special.” Near ruled, dropping the file and he knows he used the wrong word because Mello’s eye twitches again.

“You don’t know that.”

“You know it too.” Near reasons. “L wouldn’t spend this much time chasing a regular police officer.”

“You can’t just make up a person. This Kira acts like an ass, maybe he is regular and he just has Godly help.”

“I don’t believe in God.”

“That’s your problem.” Mello shrugged.

“Why can’t you ask L? You’re free from Wammy, you can finally go work with him.”

“I can’t”

“Why not?”

“They never let me go, Near.” Mello cooed. “ I ran away.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys, thank you so much for all the support and messages I felt obliged to continue haha.  
> As I mentioned, English isn't my first language so I usually take a long time in front of the computer write and rewriting and I still think some things can turn out weird, so, thanks again for the comments on it, I really appreciate it.  
> Sorry for how long this took, exams are my worst nightmare.

 

Mello’s soft words keep ringing in his ears and he isn’t sure what to do or think.

_Chop._

His fingers itch for the red robot he wholeheartedly abandoned on top of his desk in the morning, and now, misses it more than ever. More so, his legs are hurting again and Mello had to carry him back down.

_Chop._

Near’s fingers scratch the bare table he is sitting at while Mello, with his back facing him, cuts up what he had labeled as “lunch”.

“What’s wrong with your legs?”

“Mello knows what’s wrong.” Near says to the table. He can’t lie, the way Mello has treated him thus far is not exactly what he been expecting in his never occuring dream of running away with the older boy.

_Running away… The devil..._

Near hears the knife hit the cutting board, firmly, as it slices whatever Mello is cutting and the younger boy tries to make sense of all that is happening. He needs his robot, more than ever. He needs to take his pills before his legs start weighing a tonne and he’s left curled up in a ball, waiting for help to come, alone again.

“I told you not to refer to me like that. I’m fucking here.” The sound of the knife gliding through whatever is being cut is almost threatening but Near still wants to be thrown into the Sun so he wouldn’t care if the next thing Mello cut was his neck. His body was tired and his brain was overwhelmed with contradictions. Nothing he said pleased Mello so why did the boy even make a big deal of taking him to this shithole anyway? “I need to know what pills you take.” Mello says after a while of silence and sets a bowl of freshly cut carrots on the table. They’re not cooked or seasoned. They’re barely washed. Near feels his nose twitch, appalled by _lunch_. “If I don’t know your supplements, they’ll hurt and I’ll gag you so I don’t have to hear you whine.”

Near shrugs before raising an eyebrow.

“What?”

Mello laughs, rolling his eyes and setting the cutting knife right next to Near’s plate.

“Don’t get your hopes up. I know you’d like that.”

Near feels his face turn bright red, not very sure why, but Mello’s tone is buttery and seductive and Near can’t help but think about the book and and he had stolen from Matt’s room after the red haired had shipped a shitload of pornographic magazines to the orphanage, to prank Roger on his birthday.

“Why would I?”

“Just eat up.” Mello sighs and indicates the bowl of vegetable set in front of the two.

“I don’t think I want it.”

“I think it’s better you do.” Mello nods to the knife on the table and Near rolls his eyes and picks up a slice. Why was Mello making him eat this? “Hurry up, twat.” the older boy rushed him and Near rolled his head from one shoulder to the other, feeling no desire to taste the slice of orange _thing_.

“I dislike carrots.”

“That’s funny. I didn’t ask?”

“Well I decided to tell you, regardless.”

Mello is now sitting in front of him, eying him impatiently as the six slices that he had placed on Near’s plate remained untouched. Mello himself had a full carrot in hand and ate it by biting it off directly from the whole vegetable. He chewed on the rather big chunk in his mouth, angrily.

“Fucking wanker.” the golden haired boy sighed and looked at Near from under his bangs before bursting out. “You’re basically a bunny. Eat your bloody carrots.” Mello reasoned and raises an eyebrow before repeating his earlier question. “What pills have you been taking?”

“You’ve ignored most of my questions.” Near lolled his head to the side and stared at Mello from under his white bangs, unamused. “I don’t have to do anything for you.”

“Fuck you” Mello crossed his arms, indicating that he doesn’t want to talk about it anymore, but Near isn’t going to wait for the answers he knows Mello would scream about, usually. He keeps his eyes trained on the shiny blue orbs until Mello looks away. “I’m a mess, Near, I really need your help, just this once.” Near frowned, staring at his own hands and Mello scratches the gold locks that hang around his head, feeling more insecure by the second. “You’re not at risk.”

“Why can’t you just tell me?” Near asked, quietly, because he did care and he did wonder what had made Mello snap… again. He had run away from Wammy’s? Near frowned, trying to look for the hints he had dismissed. Was he missing other things too?

“What pills?” Mello interrupts Near’s thoughts and Near takes another second before registering the words.

“I don’t understand!” Near protests. His eyes avoid the carrots, then Mello, then the whole house around them. His chest is aching again because how could the universe be so cruel and give him everything he wants without giving him anything he wants at the same time? Mello needed him? Well he wasn’t acting like it and it made Near’s heart beat fast in anger.

“I can tell you this: it’s you and me now, Near.” the blonde said slowly and slid his chair closer to the younger boy. He stabbed a few carrot slice into the fork and raised it to Near’s lips, frowning at the way the albino closed them tighter. “I’m not happy about it either, until we figure this out, we have to have each other’s backs.”

The older boy’s tone was soft. Softer than all the other times and Near felt all his anger fade away as he stared deep into the bright eyes. He knew Mello didn’t know how he was playing Near in his hands like goo, that would be even more dangerous in this situation, however, he also knew Mello wouldn’t ask for his help like this without absolutely needing it. They were taking up a risk, going against Kira from an old burnt down house in England and hiding from the Wammy’s House, but how could he say no while Mello’s eyes were making his mind scream all the words he hoped to one day say. His hand itched for a toy again. It could even be made out of fabric and deform while Near squeezed it. He needed to hold something and breathe properly again. He needed the world to stop momentarily so he could think things through.

Until then.

“Vitamins. C and D.” The rosy lips parted, offering a truce. “I didn-” and just as his mouth opens again Mello seizes his head, using one hand to keep his lips apart, while the other takes the opportunity to jam the three slices of the orange vegetable into Near’s mouth. He uses a hand to cover the younger boy’s mouth and rests his chin on the top of Near’s head.

“Be a good boy and eat up, now.”

At first he had hesitated, but now he held strongly to the toilet seat as he emptied his stomach. He knew Mello was waiting outside for him, but this was a problem beyond the taste of carrots. Things were piling up in his stomach although the last he actually ate was a day ago. He heard angry curses from the other side of the door, but it didn’t keep him from remaining kneeled next to the seat.

“I said get the fuck up!” Mello opened the door, in a sudden motion and stared the younger boy down.

“I said I dislike carrots.” he stated, unamused and watched Mello curse some more before storming out of the bathroom and closing the door behind him with a strong _slam_. He didn’t shudder although he felt his insides twist. He heard the harsh footsteps of Mello walking down the stairs and with a small grunt got back up on his feet.

He walked to the stop of the staircase and sighed at the steps he couldn’t climb down. His legs ached. He couldn’t hear strong steps on the floor ground or the creaking of the floorboards if Mello had been stomping around the living room. Had Mello left?

Had he left Near trapped in the first floor on purpose? He couldn’t get down.

His legs ached.

They seemed to mock him, reminding him of the uncomfort of throwing up those awful carrots he had forcefully shoved down to avoid another threat from Mello. The dichotomy between Mello’s behaviours worried him. Had he really left him all alone? The floorboards creaked under his weight as the younger boy made it back inside the room and sat on the bed, thoughtfully.

He picked up one of the pillows and softened it in his hands, shaping it until it almost folded in half. The boy opened the duffle bag full of pyjamas Mello had left on top of the mattress and blinked before choosing one of the seemingly identical clothes and dressing the pillow. He crooked his head to the side, twirling a strand of hair around his finger before finally taking out the marker that was pegged to the files and drawing two dots on the exposed part of the pillow, mimicking gray eyes, just like his.

No one had those at Wammy’s. He held the flat ends of the pyjama’s sleeves.

“You’re welcome.” Mello says after an uncomfortable silence adjusts between them. “Now you have no excuse for being a moron with this.” he jokes and frowns upon noticing Near’s eyes focused on the staircase behind Mello’s body. “You didn’t actually think I’d run off, did ya?”

Near doesn’t respond, prefering to divert his stare at the magic cube in front of him. It had faded colours and looked a bit old, but he could appreciate the effort. Maybe. Mello sits next to him on the bed and goes over the list of names they have, one more time.

“Mello, you need to talk to me.” he says in a low voice because he’s not too sure if he wants Mello to hear him or if he wants to hear himself.

“You’re the one that’s quiet.” Mello muttered and turned over the page, rereading the achievements of each of the officers in the file.

Mello’s nails are painted a very shiny black and Near stares at them for a while, digesting what the blonde had said. From his perspective, Mello was just making things hard to understand on purpose. His head was a mess and as his fingers went over the cube and finally started twisting it, he noticed how rusty the system was and the amount of effort he had to put in to move the pieces. Was it on purpose?

The blonde had said they needed to have each other’s backs, but when had they ever been even close to being friends? It didn’t seem like something possible in the the near future and now that one of the colourful stickers on the cube peeled off and glued to Near’s thumb, the younger boy couldn’t help but feel that Mello was not a bit interested in conciliation and partnership.

Mello needed his help.

But Mello didn’t want his help.

And it sucked because Near felt the other way around.

“Maybe...” the albino started. “You should ask Matt to get you a list of the people checking into the police headquarters.” he suggested. “If they’re in the same task force… You can the frequency of times a non-official made it into important meetings.”

“I know that, wanker, I’m not as stupid as you think.” Mello spat and Near shrugged it off, giving up on the magic cube and setting it aside on the bed. Mello had brought him for help. He’d help.

And then he’d leave.

People would know he didn’t belong there if he wondered out of the house and it wouldn’t be long until Roger sent people looking for him. They might have be looking for Mello too. Near just needed to breathe in, breathe out, set his already bleeding emotions behind and get to the bottom of the case. Forget Mello.

Mello wanted to forget him, after all.

“Where’s the bloody list, then?” Near said, slowly, after both of the boys had stayed in staring silence for over a minute.

“There is no list.”

“Then get it done.” Near concluded, cooly, and picked up the cube, once more, trying to distract himself from the other boy’s angry gaze. He could stare all he wanted. Near should stare back too. The younger genius lifts up his chin ever so slightly before noticing Mello doesn’t look so composed in his anger.

A hundred and fifteen pounds fall, defeated on the chair beside the bed and Near blinks, only slightly unnerved by the demonstration that, opposite to all others that came before, seemed sadder than angry.

Near took a deep breath and licked his lips, searching for something to say because, at this point, he knows that absolutely nothing he says will have the effect he plans and he doesn’t understand even in the slightest what is going through Mello’s head. So he stays still and silent, waiting.

The answer to the silent question never comes and the blonde waves a hand in the air, dismissively before picking himself up to his feet and wondering around the bed, avoiding Near’s always deep and always non revealing gaze.

“Fucking whatever.”

“Fucking fine” Near retorted and threw the cube away from himself. They both watched the toy slide pathetically until it hit the wall under the window and Mello lifted Near by the front of his shirt, so their eyes would meet.

“Don’t swear at me, you stupid baby.”

Near rolled on the bed, he feels like he should turn the bedroom light on, but isn’t sure where the switch is and feels like Mello is making this a competition. The Sun had set a few minutes ago and the sky was getting darker by the second, still, the blonde only flipped a page and continues to read, next to him. He knew the older boy wasn't finding reading in the darkening room any easier than he was, but the blonde just maintained his eyelids squinting at the paper, in silence.

The room was fully dark in a few minutes, the night climbed up the windowsill and crept its way up the rusty bed they were sitting on, immersing both geniuses in the still calmness of the night. Except Mello wasn't calm. He probably never would be. He had lit a small torch to continue scanning the same old documents while Near had given up on the task all together and lay staring at the ceiling waiting for the next time Mello would tick.

“When you lose something, how many times does it take you to move on from your favourite place to look at and try somewhere different?” Near broke the silence for the first time in a whole hour and Mello finally looked up from the paper, eyebrows still furrowed.

“If I know where I lost something, I don’t need to look anywhere different.”

“If you know where it is, it’s not lost.” he replied, slowly, testing the waters and watching Mello’s body, lying on the bed next to him, twitch, slightly, in annoyance. “You’re just comfortable looking at the same place.”

“I don’t have anymore documents.”

“These might be outdated, Mello.” Near warned. “I’m not going to be able to find anything more than you with old documents.”

“They’re from a week ago.”

“It’s a police investigation. An international one at that. It updates daily.” Near crossed his arms. “I’m sure Matt can do it with his eyes closed.”

“Matt’s dead, Near.” Mello snapped. “Fucking dead.”

Near stared in silence at how Mello’s face remained frozen and the older boy’s jaw clenched. He didn’t know that. No one had said anything. Roger would have known and Roger would have told. He frowns his white eyebrows slightly until Mello clicks his tongue.

“He was murdered.”

“I didn’t- They didn’t-”

“Roger didn’t tell you?” Mello cooed and smiled, sarcastically and Near noticed how pretty Mello’s teeth were. He was definitely not English. “Are you surprised? Have you ever thought that everything you know is controlled by the guy that keeps us in that fucking prision all our lives?”

Near blinked, unsure of what to say, but that was fine because Mello assumed a sitting position on the bed and threw the document at the wall, seeming to have a lot to say. His face was red, he was angry, but Near knew Mello for a long time now and he knew that Mello was a lot more scared than angry if he wasn’t able to speak. Mello’s soft lips parted four times before his voice reached Near’s ears.

“And we’re supposed to be smart.”

“What happened to Matt?” Near whispered after a few seconds of silence.

“It doesn’t matter. We can’t count on him anymore.”

“If it has to do with why I’m here it matters-”

“I don’t want to talk about it!” Mello screamed and took a deep breath when he noticed Near’s pupils narrow down. “I can’t talk about it, right now.”

And that makes Near smile because things make a lot more sense.

The whole last week makes a lot more sense.

Mello running away.

The Devil.

And him being here.

“Matt loved you.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“Was he ever here?” he looked around.

“I told you.” Mello got up from the bed and smoothed the black shirt he wore before turning his back on Near. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Because you’re heartbroken?”

“Yes.” Mello put his hands on his hips and Near observed as the reflection on the black nail polish on the older boy’s finger changes colour, according to how far out in the shadows of the room, Mello walked into.

“I’m sorry.” Near offered. He wasn’t too sure how to comfort Mello right now and tried thinking what he would like to hear if someone told him Mello was dead. “You’ll see him again.”

“Come again?”

Near pointed at the figure of Jesus Christ, nailed to the cross, that hung above the bed and his head and shrugged.

“From what my studies taught me. In your religion, you meet the ones you love again.”

“You don’t believe that.”

“But you do.” Near crooked his head to the side. “And he loved you.”

Mello felt his cheeks heat up, faintly and took a deep breath.

“I don’t know what you’re insinuating with all the love talk.”

“I know you two were together.” he admitted. “Everyone did.”

“What?”

Maybe not everyone, but Near felt that everywhere he went he was reminded that Mello and Matt were a thing. Matt had always been third best, never even posed a threat to Near’s excellency in absolutely everything - except sport. However, he beat Near to Mello.

The red haired IQ was laughable compared to his and Mello’s. Not that Matt cared. He never looked at the leadership board and, was rumoured to have said, that in the odd chance that he became L’s successor, he would make gaming a compulsory part of army training. Despite all this, Mello and Matt had become best friends and around three years ago Near started hearing different noises from the bedroom next door.

Those were worse than Mello screaming at Roger and he never got used to it.

“So what?” Mello shrugged and discreetly brushed something away from his eyes.

“It’s okay if you feel… like this.”

“I know.”

Near twirled his hair around his index finger, expecting the boy to say more, and sighed when he remained silent. He didn’t know how to place exactly how he felt. He was both under and overwhelmed. Still, the sense of betrayal was louder in his ear and he couldn’t stop thinking about the many times Mello and Matt might have run off to this same house. Mello’s hands in Matt’s must have been warm and holding on to Mello while they drove the bike would not even feel weird because they held each other in much deeper ways. It just wasn’t fair with Near and now that Matt was gone. It wasn’t fair to Mello.

“So-”

“Don’t ask me about it.”

“I was going to ask if we have any other way of getting new files.”

“Matthew left the computer under the bed.” Mello sat back down on the mattress and stretched his back, not making another movement to take the device from its hiding place. “I think I could do it.”

Oh my.

This was their bed.

Near hid the pillow with the two markings from earlier behind his back, discreetly. Finally understanding that Matt had been the one to lie around there before and wait for Mello to come home.

“The bed isn’t gross, if that’s what’s making you make that face.”

“What?”

“Your nose. It’s all wrinkled up” Mello raised a finger to touch Near’s small and pale nose, but gave up on the gesture before he reached the skin. His hand returned to his side and he sighed. “Or is it me?” Near didn’t dare reply. He kept his eyes trained on Mello as the older boy nodded in understanding. “You have a problem with gay people.”

“I don’t!” Near’s eyes widened. “I just don’t… understand.”

“The sex or liking someone in general?’ Both. Mello seemed to understand his silence and brushed his bangs away from his face to smile, slightly. “How far did you and Linda get?”

“Linda? She’s my friend.”

“Oh, and she wants you bad.” Mello teased and Near couldn’t help but smiling a bit too, because Mello looks a lot better when his lips are curled up and his eyebrows aren’t frowning. He feels like kissing Mello, right there, while the boy’s eyes are closed and the covered in black shoulders are shaking faintly, but he knows better than to disrupt and of Mello’s bursts of emotion. “Matt was my friend too, until his dick was in my mouth.”

Near’s eyes widen and he immediately looks down at his hands. He feel his own cheeks start to go red and hopes that Mello isn’t looking at him because he has no idea why he reacted like that.

“Don’t be a pussy, people that love each other do those things. Unless you’re asexual.” Mello squinted at the boy. “Are you asexual?”

“I think I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

Mello’s hand is holding his chin up and he looks too interested to let the subject drop, but slowly his smile retreats and he shrugs.

“Makes sense.”

“Ahm…” Near closed the file that was on his lap and raised his eyes back to Mello again. “I’m just not sure.”

“Not sure about-”

“About how you figure these things out.” Near explained. “Like… It’s a big thing and it’s raw emotion and I’m just not sure if I’d even be able to tell if I was in love.”

“A kiss’ll do.” Mello shrugged. “I knew I loved Matt the day he brought me hershey kisses and we tried it out.”

Gross.

Mello laughs at his own dorkiness before noticing that Near wasn’t facing away from him anymore. Maybe it was one of those stupid eye staring challenges that the younger boy made up all the time and Mello wasn’t about to let him win. He squinted back at Near before noticing the albino’s gaze direct towards his own lips. The blond boy frowned, piecing things together in his mind before shaking his head, as if to get rid of the conclusion.

“We should get to sleep” He determines and pulls the whole bed cover, that is full of documents to the ground. He gets under the remaining sheets and scoots to the edge of the bed. “Touch me once and you’re dead.”

“I won’t”

“That means breathing in my direction too.”

“I won’t” Near repeated and glared at the ceiling above their heads. “Do you think Kira’s gay?”


End file.
